The Real Me

Last Saturday, our family and Mr. Lu's FEMALE GOOD FRIEND (let's give it a rose-pink/purple-love highlight. ) and her daughter went to the beach.

His good friend, nick-named 小紅, (Mr. Lu said she used to look like 鍾楚紅) is pregnant with her second daughter.

I highly suspected that Mr. Lu had a crush on her very long time ago, but I didn't mind. Because she's very easy-going and clever. Any sensible guys will like her for sure.

But... the tricky part was, what I really cared about was that Mr. Lu never wanted to talk to me about his past. I didn't understand why he always avoided this topic, what was he hiding away from me?

Well, on top of that, I didn't understand why I cared so much.

I was troubled by this tiny question for two days. It's really a small one, but it did strongly (in some way, subconsciously) bothered me so much.

Now after a talk with Little Huang, it suddenly struck me that the real problem is that I'm being too judgmental to myself. I am so eager to get rid of the Ego but forgot that it's also a part of me.

Now I accept my selfishness and insecurity, I truly acknowledge and embrace my ego. I'm also willing to let go all the unnecessary sensations RIGHT NOW RIGHT AT THIS SECOND.

I feel much much much much better.

Things I don't mind turn out to be things that bother me much, and gladly, things that help me learn the most.

NOTE: Last Sundy, I went binge-eating for the entire day. I couldn't control myself. It was really bad! But I didn't realize how bad it was until now!